Do you have to be likeable to be a successful freelancer?

Let me tell you a story of how I went from being called a “cold and arrogant freelancer” to a “nice and likeable freelancer”. AKA, how I learnt the hard way that likeability is the secret freelance sauce that can set you apart.

Hong Kong circa 2015. It’s a hot, humid day in the world's most densely packed city.

I’m late, powering up a hill through the Central District, weaving between towering high-rises and sweating through my shirt. The air is so thick and heavy it feels soup.

A recruiter has set up a meeting with an ad agency about doing a freelance gig in-agency for a month. I arrive, meet with the Head of Strategy and it goes something like this:

Their last copywriter was good at concept and taglines, but fell short with long copy. They’re looking for someone that can do both. (I can do both!)

It’s a 45-minute conversation, we chat about my projects and how I approach my work. She browses my portfolio. I answer her questions.

The next day, the recruiter calls me. She asked me how it went. Yeah, fine I think.

Then she tells me the woman thought I came across as “cold and arrogant”. Especially compared to another (female) freelancer they interviewed earlier in the week who was warm and friendly.

Ouch.

Obviously they hired the other copywriter.

First, I was pissed at her comments. How rude.

Then, actually, it was a little hurtful. No one wants to be perceived as arrogant.

I’ll be the first to admit it can take people a while to warm up to me. I’m an introvert and sometimes I find it hard to small-talk when my energy is low.

I also think society expects women to be extra friendly and warm, and those things don’t come naturally to me. Friends have coined me “Nice, once you get to know her”.

But however you interpret the interviewer’s perception, I had a likeability problem.

Why Freelancers Need to be Likeable

I used to think, if you don’t like me that’s your issue. Why should I care what other people think?

But whether you like it or not, people make snap judgements on whether to hire you as a freelancer. People want to work with people they like. Charismatic freelancers have more options, more work and better clients.

Likeability is a behaviour, not an innate quality (luckily for me). And science tells us it can be learnt, so that’s what I did.

First of all, it’s not about changing your personality (you probably are nice) or manipulating people. It’s just about leveraging skills and techniques so other people can see your niceness right away and you can make a better initial connection.

Here are 10 techniques and approaches you can adopt right now to get clients to like you even more and hire you as a freelancer.

1. How to Make a Likeable First Impression as a Freelancer

Human resource professionals often admit they decide whether to hire someone in the first few seconds of the interview. The same is probably true when someone is deciding whether or not to hire you as a freelancer.

There are three things you can do in that initial conversation to make a good impression and boost that likeability factor.

Small Talk

Break the ice with small talk. You don’t have to be all business. Find some common ground with whomever you’re speaking. Ask a question- it could be something simple like where they’re from, or asking about their pets (I’ve seen a lot of dogs on Zoom lately, amazing ice breaker).

Like Them First

When we meet someone our caveman brains are analysing: friend or foe?. Does this person have our best interests at heart, do they care about us and our goals? When we meet someone extremely likeable, we always get the feeling that they really like us and care about us. If you want to make a good impression, help their caveman brain decide you’re a friend by acting like you really like the person you’re talking to. Like them first; they're likely to like you back.

Enthusiasm

Don’t play it too cool. Sincere enthusiasm goes a long way. I’m British so even if I really love something or it was the most fun thing in the world, the most you’re likely to get out of me is, “Yeah it’s alright”. Translation: “I loved it, best thing ever!”

I’ve learnt that getting over my Britishness and letting my enthusiasm out really helps to make a good impression - because normally I am excited and interested in the work (if you’re American, don’t worry, you’re probably great at this naturally. HA).

2. Likeability is About Being Fully Present

Ever been chatting with someone and you know they’re not fully there? There’s a delay in their response. You can see they’re caught up in their own thoughts and they get that glassy far off look in their eyes.

How does it make you feel?

Probably irritated and a bit disrespected.

Being 100% fully present in the moment is exceptionally difficult, but the ability to do so makes you extremely memorable as a freelancer. You’ll make the client feel important, heard and respected.

In every client meeting check if you are fully listening. 100%! Focus on the other person and make them feel they have your undivided attention, that they are the most important thing in the world to you at that moment – it’s not as easy as it sounds but it works wonders.

3. Be Uber Likeable by Letting the Client Do the Talking

Often when speaking with a client, we want to impress. We’re thinking of the things we need to mention to convince them we’re the right freelancer for the job. Sometimes we get excited about something they say, and interrupt them to expand on it.

Good conversationalists don’t interrupt. The more you let the client speak, the more they’ll like you. People like to talk and keeping the spotlight on them makes them feel good. It’s also a great tactic for when you’re feeling nervous.

I once got a gig by letting the client talk for 95% of the meeting. They were so enthusiastic I hardly had to say anything, and we were talking about what they wanted to talk about. They thought the meeting was really productive, they said it was a pleasure to chat with me and they couldn’t wait to work with me (so much for cold and arrogant).

4. Deliver High Value and Always Deliver ROI on a Client’s Attention

Ever in a Zoom meeting and realise you don’t need to be there? Ever read a long email and thought, just get to the point of what you need from me?

Isn’t it irritating when people waste or take up too much of your time unnecessarily?

Attention is an extremely precious resource. Whether you’re asking a client to listen to you, or read what you’ve written, make sure it’s worth their attention and delivers ROI on their time.

When speaking, get to the point and help them understand with metaphors or stories.

When writing an email put their interests first. Ask yourself if the length matches the value you’re delivering. Trim, bullet point and get to the point.

To avoid appearing too abrupt I like to make the opening and closing warm and friendly or put in a bit of banter. I always express myself with a positive tone so they know I’m happy to be speaking or writing to them.

5. Freelancers That Express Appreciation and Gratitude Are More Likeable

It feels good when people thank us for things.

A great way to build camaraderie with a client is to show your appreciation for choosing your services.

We don’t like to be wrong about our choices so reminding a client that they had a choice and chose you makes them more likely to view you with greater favour.

The same goes with thanking them for supporting your recommendation or for trusting your advice during a project, it helps to keep a focus on the good stuff you’re delivering making you more likeable.

6. It’s OK to Be Human and Vulnerable

Most people are likable. But in a lot of work contexts people get too businessy.

They become a 2-dimensional business robot, instead of a normal 3-dimensional human.

People fear that if they’re too casual or friendly, they won’t be taken seriously. But the opposite is true.

Show your humanity by sharing things about your life when appropriate. Show how you make (small, endearing, recoverable) mistakes like a normal human.

Help them relate to you by showing you’re just like them.

7. Be Incredibly Easy to Work With

When you read about freelancers you often see them described as “flighty” individuals that don’t hit deadlines and don’t deliver as promised.

Clients want to work with people who are reliable, accommodating and willing to help them out of an occasional tight squeeze by meeting a last-minute deadline. The bar is set pretty low and just by doing what you say you’re going to do and being flexible you're already steps ahead of your competitors.

Make any experience with you stress-free, go the extra mile when it makes sense and help out when clients find themselves in a bind (without being a doormat). Making small gestures is an easy way to be likeable and drum up future business.

8. Likeable Freelancers Are Passionate About their Work

Ever been in the presence of someone who is really passionate about something? You probably felt like you gravitated towards them. They give off a lot of self-assurance and good vibes. There’s something really attractive about someone that is certain about what they like, their values and goals.

I once got talking to a guy in a plane who worked in pens. Perhaps not a topic many of us would find intriguing, he loved pens. Fountain pens, ballpoint pens, flow rate of ink, different tips. How the pen had influenced the world and helped humanity advance. #1 fan of the pen.

I took an instant liking to him because he seemed so genuine and sure of himself. His enthusiasm was contagious and endearing.

Nothing will attract people to you and help them take an instant liking to you like a deep, sincere passion for your own work and craft. So if you love what you do, make sure that it shows in your conversations, emails, website, portfolio etc. And if you don’t… well maybe figure out a way to pretend you love it while you rekindle that passion. ;)

9. Match Your Client’s Energy

One New Year's Day I woke up in a Canadian hotel on Vancouver Island and headed down to breakfast with friends. God was I hungover. One of those hangovers where you think you might die and you want to.

As I slumped over the table, the waitress, who obviously hadn’t been partying for NYE and seemed to be blind to my suffering, was in a very happy festive peppy mood.

“Good morning! Happy New Year! I’m Carrie and I’ll be your server today! What are we all in the mood for!?”

Her enthusiasm for breakfast continued with every interaction. Carrie was very attentive.

“How’s those first bites tasting?!”.

I would have been so, so grateful if she could see me in my absolute state and just take it down a few notches.

It would have also stopped me wanting to put a fork through her face.

A lot of successful interaction is reading the room. An easy way to be likeable as a freelancer is to get on a similar wavelength as a client.

Yes, we all have different personalities. Not everyone is gregarious, chatty and outgoing. Some are more introverted and shy. But people tend to hire people who are like them and who are on their wavelength, so try to match the mood of the room or call.

If someone is high energy and enthusiastic, match that as much as you can without being fake or unnatural (often it’s contagious anyway). If someone is more calm and relaxed, give that energy back, it goes a long way in building trust and rapport and will help you make a good impression.

Don’t make them want to put a fork through your face.

10. Remaining Likeable When Dealing With Difficult Freelance Clients

Ah yes, the ultimate test for any freelancer.

Overly critical, confrontational, combative, egotistical or a little unhinged, some clients are just difficult. I’ve experienced a few in my time and it’s hard, not to mention exhausting, if you can’t fire the client and have to win them over.

First, I always try to come from a place of empathy. If someone is being shitty I always try to assume something shitty has happened to them. Maybe someone died. They’re getting a divorce. Their kid was being a little shit this morning and wouldn’t leave the house without every button on their jacket being done up.

When I'm calm and positive in my dealings with someone, even if they’re being difficult, they usually soften and come around to being reasonable. It’s harder to be irritable at someone who’s treating you kindly.

One of the trickiest things is to get someone on your side who really isn’t up for being won over. One good way to disarm someone who’s a little combative is to ask them for a small, easy favour or something with no cost, like their opinion. This shows you value them, and helps to disarm them into coming around, just don’t make the favour too much work for them.

So there you go, my top 10 tips for being more likeable as a freelancer and not letting people think you’re cold and arrogant. Hopefully these points will help you channel even more of your charm to win over more clients and win more work. Any other ways to be more likeable?